I have found that every time I think I begin to know what the Lord intends, He shows me that I don't even begin to have a clue. Today God taught me some thing new, and I wanted to blog about it even if no one ever sees it. :)
So the story starts with my typical morning run that I do nearly every day. Today however was different. I am currently suffering from some foot pain that requires me to wear an ace wrap. I've run with the discomfort before and I figured I could manage it again. (Don't worry, I am seeing a Dr. soon.) My runs have become a special time between me and the Lord. I listen to Christian rock/worship/alternative as I run and He meets me there on the road. It can be a neat experience to realize your running with God.
So this is a time I often talk to him and tell Him what I think, hope, and dream. I've recently felt like the Lord wants me to finish my education in Bible studies/ Women's Ministry, and I can't say how excited I am about that. But it has been on my heart that I don't have to wait to finish school, because women are everywhere and I will meet them in all walks of life. So why wait to reach out to them? God doesn't need me to have a degree to use me, he just needs a willing heart.
But back to my story. So here I am running and trying to ignore my pain about one mile out. Suddenly I look up and see this petite old Hispanic woman walking towards me on the side walk. I have seen her before as I've run and have just given a half smile or slight head nod. As I run past her I think how she could have any story, be lonely maybe, I don't know. But then as the pain in my foot increases to where I can barely run I feel the Holy Spirit is whispering to me, why don't you turn around and go talk to her? Your foot hurts anyways!
Now of coarse this is where my flesh kicks in. "No, this isn't the Holy Spirit, this is my imagination. I'm not going to stop running, I mean if I want to get my run in and get back before my husband has to be at work I don't have time to stop and talk to some stranger for no reason." But it comes again, I get that tug on my heart again. It's like He gave me the choice. You can obey and see what I have in store, or you can be selfish. Hurt yourself, and miss out on what I have for you.
So this is me still running after a minute of walking to ease the pain. So I remember, "Isn't this what I am trying to be involved in?" So I say to God, okay I just want to make sure I am not trying to do this in my own flesh Lord. So I need to be sure your really telling me to go do this. Suddenly I get this horrible cramp in my side. Plus I am practically limping while I try to run. Can anyone say here's your sign?
Did I mention that evangelism has never been my comfort zone? I don't feel it is my spiritual gift but we are all called. So I knew (and told God) that if I was to even consider talking to this woman it was going to have to be all him. But I trust him and while I was hobbling along I finally decided okay, I am going to be obedient and see what happens.
Moments after I turned around the pain in my foot and the cramp in my side began to dissipate within seconds. I kid you not. My foot had been screaming at me to stop and walk. So as I changed to directions I started to pray. "Okay God, I need this pain gone so I can run and catch up to this woman. So I can share the name of your son with her or just talk to her whatever it may be. Please don't let her have crossed the road into a neighborhood!" So I put my run aside and went in search of her.
So as the pain eased up I was able to run faster. I searched the walk for her and found her picking flours off a tree. I walked up to her. I took deep breath standing firm in my surety that God wanted to me to do this; to come and walk with this woman. I smile and said "Hi, may I walk with you?" I felt so full in that moment. I was being obedient to God and putting my own desires aside. It was completely awesome! So she stopped, looked up at me and smiled sadly and said "ahkgjhsakghjgh". The sudden ache within my heart was nearly overwhelming. She didn't speak English. Or perhaps more accurately, I don't speak more than a few words of Spanish. I can't tell you how horrible the realization was for me that I could not say anything to this woman about the love of Jesus because of a language barrier.
So as I awkwardly start to walk/jog away from her (totally confused with the Lord) I decide to say one of the few things I know. I turned backwards, threw my hands out to the sides and yelled "Buenos Dias!". I smiled and waved at her and turned around. After I felt sufficiently far enough away from her I broke down into tears as my heart felt wrenched. I have never in a moment so badly wanted to tell someone about Jesus as I had in that moment. I have never felt a desperate need for the lost as I did in that moment. It was just the fact that I could do NOTHING in that moment as pertained to sharing salvation in that moment that had me breaking down it tears.
What if I am the only Christian who ever thinks/thought to approach her? It was a tragedy to me. So I go along pulling my emotions back together. I start asking God "What was this all about? I thought you wanted me to talk to her?" (As I go another path that allowed me to finish my run. Without limping I might add.) When suddenly my brain turns on. You see I thought I KNEW why the Lord wanted me to talk to this woman. Maybe just saying hi to her will end up being a comfort she needs. But maybe it was never about her. Perhaps it was about me, and my heart.
I have spent much time in prayer telling God that I want him to use me. All he has to do is tell me what it is and I will obey. I had a moment out on that road where I felt God telling me to do something and I almost didn't obey. When I did, it felt so right. We won't always understand why God says to do things, it really only matters that we love him enough to say "Yes Lord!". I think God also shared a very tiny piece of His heart with me, on what it is like for him to grieve for the lost. He stired me and woke me up on that run in a way he never has before. It's like the song by Glory Revealed, and the Bible verse:
Ephesians 5:14
Therefore He saith: “Awake, thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light.”
I don't know what the Lord has for me, but I do know that I have to be obedient in the small things before he will give me big things. The Lord blessed me greatly today and I hope this entry will be an encouragement to you to step out in your faith. Don't do in your own strength but in His. Let God's love help you to stand strong ;) as you take that step in obedience to Him. Things may not go the way you thought they would, but we can rest in the fact that He knows his plans for us. He sees the big picture and has reason for everything he does.
Have a blessed day,
The Shepherds Daughter
