Stepping Out In Faith & Learning God's Heart

I have found that every time I think I begin to know what the Lord intends, He shows me that I don't even begin to have a clue. Today God taught me some thing new, and I wanted to blog about it even if no one ever sees it. :)

So the story starts with my typical morning run that I do nearly every day. Today however was different. I am currently suffering from some foot pain that requires me to wear an ace wrap. I've run with the discomfort before and I figured I could manage it again. (Don't worry, I am seeing a Dr. soon.) My runs have become a special time between me and the Lord. I listen to Christian rock/worship/alternative as I run and He meets me there on the road. It can be a neat experience to realize your running with God.

So this is a time I often talk to him and tell Him what I think, hope, and dream. I've recently felt like the Lord wants me to finish my education in Bible studies/ Women's Ministry, and I can't say how excited I am about that. But it has been on my heart that I don't have to wait to finish school, because women are everywhere and I will meet them in all walks of life. So why wait to reach out to them? God doesn't need me to have a degree to use me, he just needs a willing heart.

But back to my story. So here I am running and trying to ignore my pain about one mile out. Suddenly I look up and see this petite old Hispanic woman walking towards me on the side walk. I have seen her before as I've run and have just given a half smile or slight head nod. As I run past her I think how she could have any story, be lonely maybe, I don't know. But then as the pain in my foot increases to where I can barely run I feel the Holy Spirit is whispering to me, why don't you turn around and go talk to her? Your foot hurts anyways!

Now of coarse this is where my flesh kicks in. "No, this isn't the Holy Spirit, this is my imagination. I'm not going to stop running, I mean if I want to get my run in and get back before my husband has to be at work I don't have time to stop and talk to some stranger for no reason." But it comes again, I get that tug on my heart again. It's like He gave me the choice. You can obey and see what I have in store, or you can be selfish. Hurt yourself, and miss out on what I have for you.

So this is me still running after a minute of walking to ease the pain. So I remember, "Isn't this what I am trying to be involved in?" So I say to God, okay I just want to make sure I am not trying to do this in my own flesh Lord. So I need to be sure your really telling me to go do this. Suddenly I get this horrible cramp in my side. Plus I am practically limping while I try to run. Can anyone say here's your sign?

Did I mention that evangelism has never been my comfort zone? I don't feel it is my spiritual gift but we are all called. So I knew (and told God) that if I was to even consider talking to this woman it was going to have to be all him. But I trust him and while I was hobbling along I finally decided okay, I am going to be obedient and see what happens.

Moments after I turned around the pain in my foot and the cramp in my side began to dissipate within seconds. I kid you not. My foot had been screaming at me to stop and walk. So as I changed to directions I started to pray. "Okay God, I need this pain gone so I can run and catch up to this woman. So I can share the name of your son with her or just talk to her whatever it may be. Please don't let her have crossed the road into a neighborhood!" So I put my run aside and went in search of her.

So as the pain eased up I was able to run faster. I searched the walk for her and found her picking flours off a tree. I walked up to her. I took  deep breath standing firm in my surety that God wanted to me to do this; to come and walk with this woman. I smile and said "Hi, may I walk with you?" I felt so full in that moment. I was being obedient to God and putting my own desires aside. It was completely awesome! So she stopped, looked up at me and smiled sadly and said "ahkgjhsakghjgh". The sudden ache within my heart was nearly overwhelming. She didn't speak English. Or perhaps more accurately, I don't speak more than a few words of Spanish. I can't tell you how horrible the realization was for me that I could not say anything to this woman about the love of Jesus because of a language barrier.

So as I awkwardly start to walk/jog away from her (totally confused with the Lord) I decide to say one of the few things I know. I turned backwards, threw my hands out to the sides and yelled "Buenos Dias!". I smiled and waved at her and turned around. After I felt sufficiently far enough away from her I broke down into tears as my heart felt wrenched. I have never in a moment so badly wanted to tell someone about Jesus as I had in that moment. I have never felt a desperate need for the lost as I did in that moment. It was just the fact that I could do NOTHING in that moment as pertained to sharing salvation in that moment that had me breaking down it tears.

What if I am the only Christian who ever thinks/thought to approach her? It was a tragedy to me. So I go along pulling my emotions back together. I start asking God "What was this all about? I thought you wanted me to talk to her?" (As I go another path that allowed me to finish my run. Without limping I might add.) When suddenly my brain turns on. You see I thought I KNEW why the Lord wanted me to talk to this woman. Maybe just saying hi to her will end up being a comfort she needs. But maybe it was never about her. Perhaps it was about me, and my heart.

I have spent much time in prayer telling God that I want him to use me. All he has to do is tell me what it is and I will obey. I had a moment out on that road where I felt God telling me to do something and I almost didn't obey. When I did, it felt so right. We won't always understand why God says to do things, it really only matters that we love him enough to say "Yes Lord!". I think God also shared a very tiny piece of His heart with me, on what it is like for him to grieve for the lost. He stired me and woke me up on that run in a way he never has before. It's like the song by Glory Revealed, and the Bible verse:

Ephesians 5:14

Therefore He saith: “Awake, thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light.”

I don't know what the Lord has for me, but I do know that I have to be obedient in the small things before he will give me big things. The Lord blessed me greatly today and I hope this entry will be an encouragement to you to step out in your faith. Don't do in your own strength but in His. Let God's love help you to stand strong ;) as you take that step in obedience to Him. Things may not go the way you thought they would, but we can rest in the fact that He knows his plans for us. He sees the big picture and has reason for everything he does.


Have a blessed day,
The Shepherds Daughter

Sweet Words

"Good Morning. It is going to be a beautiful sunny day today. I hope you have a great day."

Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24

Never underestimate the power of a kind word. I was having a really tough morning, I was tired and cranky I'm sad to say. I had 1% power left on my phone when I hit the menu button but then the above statement popped up on my screen.

While yes it was from someone who loves me and was not from someone who is even in my life everyday. In other words it was completely random. I don't know how I happened to enter this persons mind this morning but what a blessing these simple words were to me. They made me smile and encouraged me so much. The Lord is so good at showing his love to us through others and reminding us of Him when we need it.

I encourage you to be that someone to another person today. Send a random kind word or scripture or just pray for someone you don't normally pray for. Maybe ask the Lord to put someone on your heart that needs it and do one of these things for them. I would not have posted this if it had not been done for me. I can only pray that it will encourage someone today too.

Have a beautiful day!

The Shepherds Daughter

Being a..."Mom!"

I think being a mom is truly one of the most amazing jobs in the world! There are so many different aspects of it that I could dig into but I will try to stick with just a couple for this post. I look forward to writing about the awe I have at watching my children learn, or perhaps how proud I am when I see them choose to do the right thing. I also will enjoy eventually talking about the amazing (yet painful) adventure of having a baby. There are a multitude of things I could cover.

However, today I find my self in a certain place I like to call:

 GOD PLEASE HELP ME NOT _______ (insert whatever word fits best for you) MY KIDS!!!!

~ Please note this is always a sincere request, and is in no way meant to dishonor the Lord :)

So for this post I would like to say...

To laugh? Or to cry? That is the question.

Whenever possible I prefer to laugh. Don't you? Here is something I watched today to help me laugh, maybe it will help you in a moment of frustration too. :)

I particularly like this anthem, it is always good to have a laugh to lift the tension of some of our daily struggles, because if you don't let it out when you want to, it might explode out of you when you don't want it to. Sound familiar? It does for me.

Sometimes, I struggle with the constant that is raising three boys. They are so very different from me, they eat, what seems like all the time. Moreover since they have a few years between each of them, it seems at least one of them is always in the state of a growth spurt. Daddy has helped them acquire their "battle box" filled with Nerf weapons. They have swords, long swords, maces, axes, and a number of Nerf dart guns. But of coarse who am I kidding? These are Daddies toys too. :) While I do think this is awesome, let me ask you, have you ever been smacked in the head with a very firm two inch piece of foam repeatedly? We quickly incorporated the rule if your opponent has no sword you may not attack. This seems to help....mostly.

Oh! and of coarse lets not forget the forever fun game of "Dog Pile". It used to be more of a little tickle wrestling match on the floor. Really I have always been able to get into that one, but they are getting bigger. What was once a fun playtime has began to turn into WWF style body slams. It's amazing the weight and and impact a 2, 4, and 7 year old can have on the body. I've started to "regretfully" decline this activity and now leave it to their father who was so happy to instigate it.

Like any children, mine will sometimes argue. Since there is also a toddler involved (with limited vocabulary due to his age) this arguing can frequently be followed by fussing/crying/screaming because one of his brothers dared to tell him no or take away one of his toys. I find my self yelling just to be heard over the noise. I hate yelling. It's a loss of control. No control means chaos will ensue and no one wants that!

I am the type of person that can handle noise and bickering for only so long before it fries my circuits. Like any normal mother I love and adore my children. I would die for them. One thing I have learned though is that I have to find a balance. As much as I love being Mom I also have to be just ME.  I am blessed with a husband who understands this and frequently does things to help balance the load. It is an honor and blessing to be "help mate" to my husband.

In times of frustration I feel like I am not accomplishing anything. That there is no value to what I do and how maybe I could get (as some like to say) a "real job". (And let me say that the only difference between me and a Teacher, Care Giver, Seamstress, Cook, Chauffeur, House Cleaner, Entertainer, Launderer, and Mediator, is that they get paid money and social security and I don't.) While the knowledge that I am actually contributing to society by working to bring up honorable, respectful, kind, hard working, and loving men of integrity is its own reward, it simply is not a strong enough concept to get me through the days trials. 

I don't know where I would be without Jesus Christ to lean on daily. There is an awesome song I like to listen to called Do Everything by Stephen Curtis Chapman. When I find my self struggling with my boys or losing my patience or feeling as if I am banging my head against a wall and getting no where. I strive to look to the Lord and some of the following scriptures.


And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:17

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31

As for many situations in life when I start to feel moody, discontent, unthankful or perhaps simply lose sight of my real purpose, it's words from verses like Colossians 1:10-12 that renew my strength. I am reminded by all these verses that the things I do are not ultimately for me, my sons, or any other person. Every thing and every thought should glorify the Lord and if I find that my actions, words, and thoughts are becoming short, angry, or unkind I need to reevaluate my heart and look to the Lord and ask Him for forgiveness. I need to ask for a fresh anointing each day by the Holy Spirit that I may glorify Him in all I do.

 "...so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God,  being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience,  and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. Colossians 1:10-12

So overall yes there are times I do cry instead of laugh. There are times when I forget to pick up my Bible or just pray. I get overwhelmed, annoyed and tired and break down for a good cry to release some of the pressure of being "Mom!!!" But when it's over God is good, and in the quiet moments as I dry my tears I feel his presence in my heart and am so gently and thankfully reminded that He is with me. He knows my struggles and wants to and has carried the burden of them for me. I know the joy of the Lord, and it is that joy that gets me through my "Oh God help me!" moments.

I hope this post is of some help to you. I pray if you are a mom struggling with just being a mom (like we all do) that this has encouraged you and that the Lord will lift you up today, strengthen you and bring you peace.

Sincerly,
The Shepherds Daughter

Foot In Mouth Syndrome

When it comes to Foot in Mouth Syndrome sometimes I feel like I've got the lions share...

Okay, sorry had to get that one out of my system, I really do get embarrassed, just like that up there. There are times I really wouldn't mind if the "cat got my tongue". Okay no really, well maybe just one more...

Okay in all seriousness though, I have never been that blatant (that I know of, as in the picture above). Unfortunately I found my self doing exactly this sort of thing this morning. Let me give you a little bit of background on me though before I dig in.

For those of you who have known me a long time, you know this point well. When I was growing up I would often make tactless, brutally honest,  comments without much forethought. I was never trying to be mean hearted or unkind. I was a kid, and I just didn't think. I don't recall if my mother ever coached me in this, though I am sure there were times she did.

Growing up this became a rather hard lesson for me (which I obviously need to do a fresh review on) that caused me and those who were at the receiving end of my unchecked candor some pain. As I got older it simply became my very opinionated comments. It didn't occur to me that the person I was speaking to might not only disagree with me, but might also be hurt by what I said. Even though my intention was not to insult but to simply state what I thought, I often made this error. This did not endear me to many, and I lost several friends or potential friends due to my lack of thoughtful consideration to my words.

I started to have a rather low self esteem over the fact that people just seemed not to like me, I couldn't understand why? I was fun, loving and kind. What was wrong with me? So I started to cave in. I didn't smile enough as some adults were happy to tell me. I became afraid to reveal who I really was. This sadly had a totally new affect on others my age that caused them not to like me. They thought I was being stuck up and snobby!!! Bless the girl who had the guts to tell me when I put her on the spot. I can't begin to say how important communication is but that is a post for another day.

So now your probably thinking okay that's all well and good but what does this have to do with the whole foot in mouth problem and how does it help me? Hold tight, I'm getting there.

So back to where I started from. This morning while speaking with a very close and dear friend, I not only embarrassed my self by sticking my foot in my mouth (which I swear grew three sizes in seconds), but I also know that I stomped all over her feelings and insulted her all in the same breath.  Now you will understand this picture a little bit more in case you didn't the first time through. Shall we reiterate?

So the embarrassment and humiliation of what a terrible Christian friend I was being ensued. 
Though I have already done so let me apologize again to my friend I'm sooooo sorry! I love you!!!

The thing is, I would have thought by now that with all the emotional upheaval my words have caused me you would think I would have learned my lesson by now. Last year my son and I worked on this verse. I will be meditating on it today.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

I am so blessed in my friend, for she was gracious enough to forgive me. The Lord has been so good to gift me with a friend who is not only a Christian, but one with a forgiving heart and a loving spirit. I admire this friend so much, and I am thankful that we have the kind of friendship where she was comfortable enough to call me on the fact that I spoken wrongly.

This verse is what the desire of my heart is to be to my friend as well as all others.

Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24

Like many things of a sinful heart I have come to recognize that sometimes the words from my mouth are so strongly of my flesh. My prayer and my desire is that the words from my mouth would not hurt or judge, but instead be a loving encouragement to others. To be a representation of Christ rather than my flesh.

So how do we avoid eating dirt, crow, gritt and all kinds of nasty things that may be found on the bottom our feet? First, think, or think first, (however you prefer it) and consider your words before you speak. You may be speaking to family, friends, or a stranger, but either way words can cut like a knife. Next consider and maybe pray over the following verse.

 May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14

If my words will not be pleasing to the Lord then I simply should not utter them.
 
I have proven to my self that I can't overcome the things that come out of my mouth completely on my own. I need His help sometimes.I know I need His help in touching the hearts of those I need or have needed forgiveness from. He is my rock and my redeemer. I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. 

Perhaps some day with enough prayer and consistent forethought to my words, I will make fewer mistakes. Also it would be nice to not have to wash that awful foot flavor out of my mouth quite so frequently. Because really in my experience most will see the green and black stuff in your teeth and then just walk away without saying a word. Time to get my mouth some spiritual mouth wash and perhaps a little "whitening" tooth paste. There is after all, nothing more whitening than the Lord :)   

I hope this pot is an encouragement to you.

Sincerely,
The Shepherds Daughter

Waiting on the Lord...

 

There is a place where you wait. There is this need or burning desire in your heart, so you pray. Time passes and you know that your supposed to wait on the Lord but you feel like He is not there, like He wont answer. So you look around your life for those reassurances that he is. And of coarse He is. Next you begin to question, did I do something wrong? No, I know better than that. God loves me and only wants what is best for me. I just need to wait, I know His plan is perfect.

Soon this thing, this yearning of your heart that you have repeatedly brought before your almighty God's feet starts to slowly consume your mind and heart. Your actions become focused on achieving this one thing. It is your goal, and of coarse God wants me to have goals! Maybe I just need to do my part, help God out, use the strength he has given me to help accomplish this thing. God knows the desires of my heart so I just need to wait, and do my part...and you wait some more.

Um, hello?.....Is there anyone there? I need you today God, aren't you listening to me?
THIS IS WHAT I NEED!!!

In your heart and mind you begin anew with a desperate prayer, the kind where your face meets the floor. Tears are streaming down your face, wracking sobs, wet runny nose (the kind you only want your God to see). You have reached a breaking point, you begin to doubt... if God loves me why wont He give me this, or do this thing?

As you wait, you start to get angry, or frustrated. Maybe you start to pray less, find less joy that you know she be in all you do. You feel lost and out of control until you are finally desperate enough to go back. So now you find your self asking a simple question that maybe you forgot to ask in the first place. God is this your will or mine?

Eventually one day you look around and come to realize your perspective on everything somehow got very twisted. It started with a desire of your heart, that may very well be from the Lord. But in our hearts and minds over time we can turn it into an idol.

Over this passing of time you might think YOU have been waiting for God. When in actuality He has been waiting on YOU!

Perhaps it is in fact Gods will for you to have or do this thing. One of the amazing things I have learned about the Lord as I have looked back at the history of my life is that  I can see where He needed me to wait. If I had received what I wanted, when I wanted I would not know its true value, or the blessing it was. We demand our desires of God like a child in the toy isle at Wal-Mart. I often imagine that He smiles and shakes His head at me with His everlasting love, patience and grace.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

All this time I have been laying out what I want and need of Him, but what does He want and need of me? That is what my prayers need to be out first. In doing so, His Spirit is so, so sweet, like a loving smile that whispers over my heart and mind. He reveals the pit I have placed my self in. The idol I made with my own thoughts. I stop mentally pounding on the metaphorical door of MY desired path. I remember Him, and I realize that I am not really the one who has been waiting. He is, and oh how much more GRACIOUSLY He has been doing it than I.

Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! Isaiah 30:18

In seeking His will, I find there is another door waiting for me, it is already open, in my heart I feel He tells me that my dream, my "door" will not be closed forever, maybe I don't realize the impact of going through it will have. But He does. There will be a time and a place to walk through that door, it's just not today. But in the mean time He has another, a door full of His blessing, His teaching, His love. A path where He has already prepared the way. I'm choosing the His path, and trusting Him to open my door, but only when His time is right for it.

 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Mathew 6:33

In the end, instead of praying for this thing, I prayed for Him to help me let it go. I entrust it to my Father in heaven.

I have learned waiting on the Lord really means learning to let go and give everything over to Him. Because really, He's got this. I still pray for my hearts desire, but more, I pray that His hearts desire will be mine.


Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

...for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure. Philippians 2:13

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2

Until next time,
keep waiting and keep praying and watch in wonder at His works!

The Shepherd's Daughter  

Please let me know if you have enjoyed this post in comments at the bottom!