Waiting on the Lord...

 

There is a place where you wait. There is this need or burning desire in your heart, so you pray. Time passes and you know that your supposed to wait on the Lord but you feel like He is not there, like He wont answer. So you look around your life for those reassurances that he is. And of coarse He is. Next you begin to question, did I do something wrong? No, I know better than that. God loves me and only wants what is best for me. I just need to wait, I know His plan is perfect.

Soon this thing, this yearning of your heart that you have repeatedly brought before your almighty God's feet starts to slowly consume your mind and heart. Your actions become focused on achieving this one thing. It is your goal, and of coarse God wants me to have goals! Maybe I just need to do my part, help God out, use the strength he has given me to help accomplish this thing. God knows the desires of my heart so I just need to wait, and do my part...and you wait some more.

Um, hello?.....Is there anyone there? I need you today God, aren't you listening to me?
THIS IS WHAT I NEED!!!

In your heart and mind you begin anew with a desperate prayer, the kind where your face meets the floor. Tears are streaming down your face, wracking sobs, wet runny nose (the kind you only want your God to see). You have reached a breaking point, you begin to doubt... if God loves me why wont He give me this, or do this thing?

As you wait, you start to get angry, or frustrated. Maybe you start to pray less, find less joy that you know she be in all you do. You feel lost and out of control until you are finally desperate enough to go back. So now you find your self asking a simple question that maybe you forgot to ask in the first place. God is this your will or mine?

Eventually one day you look around and come to realize your perspective on everything somehow got very twisted. It started with a desire of your heart, that may very well be from the Lord. But in our hearts and minds over time we can turn it into an idol.

Over this passing of time you might think YOU have been waiting for God. When in actuality He has been waiting on YOU!

Perhaps it is in fact Gods will for you to have or do this thing. One of the amazing things I have learned about the Lord as I have looked back at the history of my life is that  I can see where He needed me to wait. If I had received what I wanted, when I wanted I would not know its true value, or the blessing it was. We demand our desires of God like a child in the toy isle at Wal-Mart. I often imagine that He smiles and shakes His head at me with His everlasting love, patience and grace.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

All this time I have been laying out what I want and need of Him, but what does He want and need of me? That is what my prayers need to be out first. In doing so, His Spirit is so, so sweet, like a loving smile that whispers over my heart and mind. He reveals the pit I have placed my self in. The idol I made with my own thoughts. I stop mentally pounding on the metaphorical door of MY desired path. I remember Him, and I realize that I am not really the one who has been waiting. He is, and oh how much more GRACIOUSLY He has been doing it than I.

Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! Isaiah 30:18

In seeking His will, I find there is another door waiting for me, it is already open, in my heart I feel He tells me that my dream, my "door" will not be closed forever, maybe I don't realize the impact of going through it will have. But He does. There will be a time and a place to walk through that door, it's just not today. But in the mean time He has another, a door full of His blessing, His teaching, His love. A path where He has already prepared the way. I'm choosing the His path, and trusting Him to open my door, but only when His time is right for it.

 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Mathew 6:33

In the end, instead of praying for this thing, I prayed for Him to help me let it go. I entrust it to my Father in heaven.

I have learned waiting on the Lord really means learning to let go and give everything over to Him. Because really, He's got this. I still pray for my hearts desire, but more, I pray that His hearts desire will be mine.


Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

...for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure. Philippians 2:13

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2

Until next time,
keep waiting and keep praying and watch in wonder at His works!

The Shepherd's Daughter  

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